I've been writing a lot about my new little health journey lately.
It's probably because the last time I worked out consistently (for over a month) was when I was about 18. You know, the naturally thin but you still think you're fat days. Here I am, 28, skipping past the finish line of week six and I am still having trouble believing it's actually MY feet in those running shoes.
I mean, I went to the gym every day of this past weekend. Yep, that's right—WEEKEND.
Sweet Jesus. I am becoming one of the people I used to make fun of!
I used to very seriously contemplate getting a box of donuts, going into the trendiest gym on a Saturday or Sunday, and passing them out to the obviously crazed people that were wasting their weekends fighting fat.
Now, I would be passing them out to MYSELF. It's strange how quickly tables can turn. The only thing that hasn't changed is that I would still happily accept that donut from my judging self. I'll take the maple long john challenge, please!
What I recently realized about a lot of those crazy people in the gym is that it is not just fat that they are fighting.
Sure, there are some that are still brainwashed by society and are just doing it for the calories or to take pics that they can hashtag with #BEASTMODE, but many are there for good reason. They are fighting for something much more important than the fleeting number on the scale.
They are fighting for themselves.
At least, I know that's what I am battling for when I am trudging on the stairway of excruciating doom AKA the StairMaster. I am fighting for me.
Recently, after a particularly tough workout, I was discussing this concept with my boyfriend over the phone. I was telling him how different this time around felt because I had no other motivators besides myself. This is something I wanted, not something I thought I needed to do.
I told him, "It just feels so damn good to really be FIGHTING for SOMETHING again."
This got us on the topic of what else we have fought for in our lives, which led him to drop this bomb on me:
"You want to know what I have fought the hardest for in my life? It's you. There is nothing I have fought harder for than making you mine. It's my greatest achievement."
My eyes instantly turned into cartoon-like pools of hot and salty tears.
Now, I rarely discuss my relationship on here for personal reasons. I mean, I put so much of myself on here and other social medias already that I like to keep that little wonderful piece of my life to myself. BUT, this had to be shared.
It is not like me to get emotional when it comes to the mushy kind of love stuff. When it comes to the general life kind of love, yes. I cry when I watch the news or listen to touching music or when my parents call just to say they love me or when kids say brutally honest but beautiful things—I get all kinds of emotional for everything else.
But, the romantic type of love? Let's just say I need to work on that department.
It's a defense mechanism that I have been trying to retire for a long time now.
I have always prided myself on maintaining the power in any kind of romantic relationships I have encountered. If you keep the upper hand, you can't get hurt. Simple as that. This can also be translated into being a cold-hearted bitch. I actually took being called that as a compliment at one point in my life.
What the guys that thought I had a heart of stone didn't realize (that my current boyfriend did) is that it was all a big, fat BLUFF. I was bluffing. I was really, really good at bluffing, but I was bluffing nonetheless.
He knew I built that seemingly impenetrable wall around my heart because it was too open and vulnerable and absolutely TERRIFIED of being hurt. He also saw how big and, to him, beautiful it was. This is what made him decide it was worth the fight.
And what a fight it was!
Thankfully, he was relentless. I put him through the wringer—several times.
I wasn't going to wave my white flag without putting up a fight for myself because I knew I was WORTH fighting for. And he won because I finally realized that he thought so too.
What I am now beginning to understand is that kind of fighting isn't just reserved for the ones we desire or the things that we want in our lives. It should also be used for ourselves.
Having a significant other that believes you are worth every struggle and battle and argument and ounce of heartache is a beautiful thing. It is one of the greatest feelings in the world. I do my best to not take it for granted. But it doesn't define me. It's my job to fill in that description.
Let me also say that if you don't have a significant other that is continually fighting to keep and love you, then you need to read more than just this post!
No one should ever feel like they are doing you a favor by loving you. EVER. Your love is unique and sacred and should never be bargained for. NO DEALS.
And if you think that you don't have someone in your life to help you feel this way, you are oh so, so wrong. You have YOU. We have ourselves to fight for us!
I believe that when we decide to defend who we are and what we want—at all costs—is when others get in line to fight for us, too. Because, sadly, we are all very curious about anyone who knows their own love. It's what we are all breaking our backs trying to find.
I don't care if you are single, in a relationship, dating a tub of Ben & Jerry's, married or divorced, you should still be suiting up for battle for your damn self—EVERY day.
Whether it is fought on a treadmill or on the track or at work or in your relationship or in your friendships or just by standing firmly beside something you believe in—it must be fought! Pull up your hair, take out your gold hoops, and get scrappy for YOU.
It's okay to be carried onto the field by others. In fact, some days we are going to need help making it out to the front lines, but it must be our choice to stand and fight. No one is going to fight for someone who has given up on the fight for themselves.
So, put 'em up. Duke it out. Stick it to 'em. Be the first in line ready to sign up for your own army. Show the world why you are worth fighting for by earning the greatest victory of the fight for yourself.