So, I am sort of at a weird stage in life. I am 28 and I have no children. This may seem like it's not a big deal (and probably isn't), but it is kind of clashing with my social life.
Out of my group of friends, I'd say 90% have babies, are trying to have babies, are currently pregnant, or most likely popping one out as I am typing this blog. You know what I really think about that? It is absolutely AMAZING. (My 21-year-old self would so kick my ass for that statement!)
Babies weren't always my "thing". For a long time, I swore I didn't want any at all. But now—after falling in love with all of the squishy cuteness I have in my life—I might even wanna bake a couple of my own in my built-in easy bake oven.
I only have one bone to pick with all of these squeezable kiddos—my girl time.
Mainly going out to eat with my girls which, in the past, was practically mandatory on a weekly basis. Now that we are old responsible bitches (or at least attempting to be), none of us got time for all that.
BUT, that doesn't mean we can't make the best of the rare get-togethers we do manage to pull off. Here are my thoughts on balancing these soirée—for the momma's with single friends and vice versa.
These get-togethers started in our early 20s. When we were unable to eat lunch with our besties every day (like the good ol' lunch period days), and we needed to figure something out to take its place so that our social lives would not completely suffer.
Introducing: Girls' lunch.
Girls' lunch ruled. It was a time designated to nursing hangovers, drinking bottomless mimosas, complaining about who we wish we did/didn't sleep with the night before, talking shit about who we heard slept with whom, and then making plans to do it all over again the following weekend.
It was a great time—a bit self-destructive, yes, but mostly great.
But, once mid-twenties came along, girls' lunches took a major hit. You may have noticed things like fewer attendees, less hangovers, not as much sleeping around talk, and not everyone was as stoked on the idea of bar hopping post girls' lunch.
Before you know it, you and your girls are in your late 20s/early 30s and girls' lunch has officially transformed into "Moms' Brunch".
Now, your friends are requesting a kid's menu, inquiring about the restaurant's juice selection instead of wine, drilling the server on whether the chicken is organic (Seriously? I once saw you eat a hot dog that you found on the street corner), and they're ordering water—on purpose!
Moms' brunch also has a new language.
Foreign words like colostrum (Do they sell that supplement at GNC?), episiotomy (New spa treatment? Sounds relaxing!), APGAR (Is that a test I was supposed to take in college?), jaundice (oh, I love his new album!), and cesarean section (Ugh, I almost got pulled over speeding through one of those the other day) are being passed around more than the fussy 3-month-old at the table.
All of these combined will have any Queen B loving, and self-proclaimed single lady, feeling like her very own round of 18-hour labor has just begun.
So, what is a single girl to do? And what about the mommas? How can these coinciding friendships last when so much has changed?
I don't have all of the answers to those loaded questions. However, I do have a few places to start in the brunch department.
First off, whose idea was this brunch? Is she a new mom or is this not her first baby rodeo? Does she typically have on-call babysitters? Does she bring her kid(s) to most events?
These are all important questions because they prepare you for the atmosphere you are about to enter. If she is a new mom that is not yet comfortable leaving her little at home (and there is nothing wrong with that), then don't get your panties in a wad when she invites you to brunch and brings her kid!
Also, some moms do not have as much help as others. And they really don't need to feel any more pressure on this issue than they already do—much less from someone who is supposed to be their friend. So, don't be an asshole and make them feel like they are missing out on something just because they can't find a babysitter.
I've also found that moms that are more experienced with their title, tend to be more open to the "no kids" brunch. Mainly because their sanity depends on the time where they can have conversations with people that have more than a 20-word vocabulary. Plus, the idea of having to buy 3 of the $9 brie and apple grilled cheeses from the "kid's" menu at your uppity brunch spot, isn't their idea of fun.
On the other hand, if you are a mom and you have been invited to what is obviously more of a single girls' lunch & not a Moms' Brunch, do yourself a favor and don't be the only one to bring your kids.
No offense intended—just think about it: Everyone will be drinking more excessively than usual, swearing more freely, talking about how their friend with benefits has finally discovered their G-spot, and discussing how much they love being single.
Does attempting to cover your kid's ears while being stuck at the end of the table with a highchair during these conversations sound fun?
If it does, then by all means, go for it! Just don't be surprised when your friend's random naturally-skinny-resting-bitch-face of a friend pulls her chair to the opposite end of the table so that she can avoid sitting next to your heaven-sent bundle. (Don't worry, she'll get her sear at the uncool table one day too.)
Was this lunch invitation not sent by a fellow mom? If this is the case, let me let you in on a little secret: Unless they have requested your child's attendance, they really hope you don't bring your kid.
Now, before you go making plans to cyber kick my ass for that statement, let me clarify one thing: It is not because they don't love THEM—it is because they love YOU.
Seriously! Us single ladies miss having your full attention now and then.
We want to know how you are doing and what is really going on in your life without a sticky little hand trying to pick your nose. We want you to be able to sit down and not have to spell out the "F" word and enjoy your glass of pinot grigio without having to worry about a crayon landing in it.
When you became a mom, we went way down on your priority list (and for good reason!), so you can't blame us for trying to steal you away once in awhile. It comes from a good place—promise!
With all of that said—if you are still having difficulty balancing your girl time situation—do you want to know what I've found works best? Taking a break from them. Instead, invite your friend over to partake in the madness that is your new life as a mom. Or show up to your new momma friend's house for a night in.
Why? Becasue going over to your best friend's house with some cheap take-out, having a dance party with her kiddos in the living room, helping her give them a bath, letting them read you their favorite story before bed, and hearing "Good night Auntie" in their innocent voices is more priceless than any bottle of afternoon champagne.
Once the kids are down, go on the patio and drink too much wine with your best friend. Ask her how she is doing. Tell her how much you miss her. Laugh until you pee by talking about the past. I promise you, these dates will trump any over-priced panini on a trendy patio any day of the week.