1. If the last thing your special someone did to make you feel special, included posting a mushy status where they called themselves your 'hubby' or tagged you in a picture referring to you as their 'Bae'.... We need to talk. Soon.
2. If you are able to help someone out, do it. If someone can help you out when you really need it, allow it. But if every time you help a certain person out, you end up needing more help for yourself because of it, then do yourself a favor and help them to the door. This does NOT make you a bad person. It makes you a person of boundaries. Get some.
3. People take selfies. Get over it. Some people take 10 selfies a day... in the same pose... in the same outfit... in the same room... Hide these people. Immediately.
4. If your current lover left someone else to start a new relationship with you, then don't get mad as I continue to enjoy my buffalo chicken sliders when you tell me he's cheating on you. "He's sleeping with someone else already? NO WAY. What was your first clue?" Your first clue should have been the fact that he was committed to someone else while he was banging your headboard against the wall and proclaiming his "undying" love for you. The newly raised prices on my happy hour margarita is more shocking than this news. Please pass the ketchup.
5. Stop talking to your ex's family for crying out loud! If you've got kids with the dude then I understand continuing BASIC communication. But basic does not include gossiping for three hours with his Nana about his new girlfriend. If you don't have any kids with the person and you are STILL having weekly talks with his mom about your day, what you're doing this weekend and your plans to get their son or daughter back, shame on you.
This puts the parents in an awkward position with their kid and their kid's new partner. Just because you can't find the courage to move on doesn't mean you should stop them from doing the same. Breaking up with someone includes their family. It's tough, but how in the hell do you expect to give yourself fully to another when a part of you is still holding onto the ones that belong to HIM.
6. If you want to stop paying for regular Brazilian waxes, then just inform your partner that they no longer fit into your monthly budget. One of two things will happen: 1) They will fork over the cash immediately or 2) You will learn just how much they enjoy nature walks .
**Single ladies: this rule does not apply to you. You should be having weekly yard sales if that's what it takes to maintain downstairs.
7. People who complain about people who complain about the weather is just as amusing as people who actually complain about the weather. Stop it.
8. In fact, people who constantly complain about people who constantly complain, is (you guessed it!) STILL complaining. Quit that one, too.
9. If you start out a sentence with 'So they told me not to tell you but..' Then you are one of two people to me: 1) My worst enemy or 2) My best friend.
10. Unless you have discovered a puppy or kitten that takes Pumpkin Spice scented craps, then I don't want to hear about it. I just don't.