How to Survive Diet #767

Here we are, once again.  We are knee deep in a new year and waist deep in holiday leftovers.

 And, no, I'm not talking about the kind that's still sitting in your fridge.  I'm talking about the spare tire, the thunder thighs, the double chin and the overall more to love, but mostly hate, extra LBs.  I have touched on the subject in my New Year, Old You post, but now it's time to trim the fat and get to the meat of this thing.  

This thing being the disheartening and unfair world of diets.

Whether it's the freshman 15 that somehow turned into the senior 20 (or the flunked out 50) or it really is just just a little extra cushion that Santa so kindly left under your tree, it's there and it needs to be dealt with.  Swimsuit season is not far off and (if you live in Arizona) shorts and tanks are already here.  In fact, Mother Nature gave Phoenix about 13 days to disguise the hefty holidays.  She is not messin' around this year.  She wants your buns toned and fast!  So why not take her advice and make this THE YEAR?  You know, the 'year' you pinky swear yourself every 12 months?  Yeah, that one.

It's definitely easier said than done, believe me, I know.  If it wasn't hard then we would all be in 'fitspiration' shape.  But the nasty truth is:  Getting fat is a hell of a lot more fun than getting skinny.  And I'm pretty sure the last word in that sentence is almost completely at fault for 90% of failed diets.  I think that the word 'Skinny' is the popular high school bitch of the English language.  We all hate to love her and really love to hate her.  We think she has it all figured out and she doesn't put on a front to make you think otherwise.  But, just like with anything perfect, the closer you get the more you can see the frays in the seems that hold her not so perfect life together.  It's the idea of being skinny that we lust for and it's feeling optimally healthy that gives us the most love back.  

Just leave it to women to get those two confused.

So what to do?  Well, I'm not gonna act like I know the 'secret' because I don't.  What I do know are these few things that have been getting me through the past month with little to no agony.  I hope they help!

*PICK ONE BIG THING & ONE SMALLER THING.  This is where I started.  I sat down and wrote down the main culprits of my unwanted weight.  The list looked a little something like this: 1. Beer 2. Tortillas 3. Donuts (OK, so I have a Mexican Homer Simpson living inside of me, whatever. There are worse comparisons... At least he's funny & knows how to salsa dance!)  4.Not going to the gym and 5. My boyfriend (he thinks pizza is a food group).

Then I decided I needed to pick at least 2 things from that list.  The first one I picked would be the big one that I would go without for a notable period of time.  For me that was booze.  (Today is my 17th day without it and let me tell you, I wish I would've gone with the donuts!)  After I stuck to number one for a full week, then I would incorporate another from the list.  I decided to make number 2 all bad for me carbohydrates.  Notice how I didn't do ALL carbs.  If I want a piece of whole grain toast with my eggs then I am going to have one, damn it.  Mrs. Paleo can keep her caveman diet, this girl needs bread!  Once I did that for a week, I then incorporated another from the list and so on and so on... The point is to just do it in moderation. Being too extreme is just asking for a breakdown.

Oh, and just so you know, my boyfriend was cut from the list.  Even if he eats like a 13-year-old who just finished soccer practice, it's not really his fault.  I, and only I, control what I eat.  Blaming someone else for your actions is pretty lame.  Besides, he loves me for my heart (OK, my boobs and cooking too.)  and that makes him a total keeper.

*GET YOUR SOCIAL MEDIAS INVOLVED.  By this I do not mean announce every 1/2 ounce you lose to the world (your friends list will magically shorten quickly) but it is okay to be proud of your milestones.  You can even start a blog or join a community to document your progress if you'd like to keep it off your newsfeed.  You can find some amazing support on the internet.  It's one the many ways to feel connected and held accountable.

If you don't want to share your progress publicly, you can still use it as a positive and more private outlet.  I love following healthy blogger accounts on my instagram, twitter and facebook.  I have plenty of screenshots from these blogs that have resulted in a healthy dinner, new workout or just positive reinforcement.  Pinterest even allows you to make a new board private if you don't want your friends to know your trying to lose a few.  Fill those boards with new clothes you'd like to wear, new recipes to try and healthy bodies of women you admire.  All of mine are public and you're more than welcome to check them out here.

*GET THE RIGHT GEAR.  Nothing motivates me to workout more than a new playlist, yoga pants or running shoes.  Even small things like new headphones get me to the gym faster!  In fact, I just found a pair I LOVE. I have the world's tiniest earholes so it's really difficult to find headphones that won't fall out while I'm jammin' on the elliptical. On my latest adventure to TJMaxx (I'm kind of obsessed), I stumbled upon headphones that claimed they were made for women and by women with tiny earholes.  Thank you, Jesus!  So I bought them and it was as if the pearly gates opened to the Krewella concert that was pounding through my ears!  They are called Yurbuds and they are awesome.  Check 'em out my fellow small-eared amigas!

Basically, If you have things that make you feel comfortable or a new song that makes you feel like your hips don't lie, then it's easier to find reasons to go.

*DON'T RESENT YOUR SKINNY FRIENDS.  Your friend who had a baby like, yesterday, orders a chili dog and the ultimate nachos while you squeezed a lemon wedge on your dressing-less salad and somehow looks thinner after licking the plate clean.  

I've got news for you: SO WHAT!  

Stop secretly (or, and especially, publicly) hating on her.  

Whether she works her ass off for her body or is just one of those freaks of nature, guess what is not going to make you skinnier?  Being a bitter bitch.  In fact, being bitter makes you gain weight.  I'm not sure if that is a true statement but it definitely should be.

What does a real woman look like?  A freaking woman.  That's it!  No height, weight, shape or size needs to be involved in that definition.

We all have different strengths in the beauty department and the sooner you embrace this into your life, the sooner you'll find out what a self-assured and satisfying life is like.  

My most important tip would be one that I have always followed no matter what the number on the scale says.  It is to *FIND YOUR INNER BAD BITCH--& keep rediscovering her!  This does not mean I want you to aspire to be a video ho, disrespect anyone with a different outlook or get a generally nasty attitude towards life.  We have more than plenty of those tired little girls on reality TV.

In my opinion, the baddest bitches around are the positive ones.  They are the women who have an inner confidence that does not need to be announced.  They don't need to tell you about it all the time because it naturally SHINES right out of them.  And how much these woman weigh is not what determines their self worth.  Even when they are not where they want to be physically, they are still on point mentally.  They know they have more to offer than the physical and if that is not enough for someone, then that is not someone that they need nor want in their lives.  

These bold and beautiful women age with grace and are the ones that make you feel hopeful for your future.  They are going to live life fully with or without anyone's permission and enhance the lives of those blessed enough to know them.  There is not a scale on earth that can measure or determine the amount of love they were born to deserve and will make sure they receive.  

So do yourself a favor and surround yourself with these women.  Read about them, watch their lives or meet with them.  They will bring that Bad Bitch mentality right out of you.  And, if you think you don't have it or need a lover to make you feel it, then you my friend are in need of it the most.

Charlotte Crow

I'm a modern day farmer's daughter who shares and seeks inspiration from the comical & beautiful things that get caught in life's curious little web.