1. Summer has arrived. All girls with cute feet and newly graduated Jenny Craig's rejoice. All gals with more to love and pterodactyl toes.. well.. get creative. October weather and closed toe shoes are only 5 months away. Yikes.
2. Ladies, ladies, ladies. Your bikini is way cute and I totally agree that trendy neon shades look fab on you! BUT your bathroom mirror look-at-me-i-didn't-eat-lunch-must-post-to-facebook-pic allowance is one before you can't blame the world for judging. So choose wisely. After that make some girlfriends hop in the pic with you or at least set your timer outside and pretend someone else thought you looked so good they couldn't resist the shot. Your secret is safe with me.
3. We get it. It is hot as blazing balls outside. That doesn't make it okay for you to post a shot of your car's thermometer and expect it to be interesting. I'm checking facebook while driving for crying out loud and I really don't appreciate you making me risk my life with a picture I've been trying to ignore all day. If you want to express how hot is in an entertaining way then post a picture of your sweat-stache. Hilarious.
4. If you spray tan please do yourself a favor and spend the extra four dollars and seven cents to buy the disposable flip-flops. Otherwise it looks like a cluster of unfortunate birthmarks are covering your feet. . might be a deal breaker for the doucher who previously offered you free vodka in his cabana.
5. With the heat comes highlights which really can look great and even brighten your whole summer. However, box bleaching the living hell out of your already thirsty strands will not gain you more fun or a boyfriend no matter what Cosmo says. Blondes may have more fun but bleached out frizz-balls get made fun of.. and bald prematurely. If that's your idea of good time then more power to you. Frost and Glow away.
6. Don't tell your friend who has obviously lost the battle with carbs that one piece swimsuits are really in style and you yourself have even been contemplating trading in your teeny-weeny bikini for one. It's a nice way of being rude and that's the worst kind. You wore petal pasties and a thong made of glitter to the lake last Summer. No one believes you.
Sunshine & Good Times to You,