My 10 not-so-new, new year's resolutions

First let me start off with the best quote I've heard from a friend in a long time:

"If 2009 was a person, I'd love to kick their ass."

-Nick from Brother's Pizza

LOVE it.

Let's be real, 2009 sucked the big one. Well, for most of us anyway... & if you're excluded from this 'We hated 2009' club, congratulations & please send me a bottle of whatever happy pills you are consuming : )

For the most part I could have done without this year but that does not mean I don't think 2010 is going to kick ass because I do.

And to ensure that it does rock my socks I'd like to try and follow this list of things I either need to work on or add to my life routine.

1. Make next year's resolution list on January 1st.  Not January 8th.  Starting late is not really the best way to get a head start.

2. Join a book club.  Or at least finish the 3,332 books I've started!

3. Work on my own damned book!  I've wanted to write my own book for forever and have started it 685,243 times. It's time to stick to it and produce some damn pages.

4. School is not for fools! Much to my dismay this statement is true. This ass needs to be in class.

5. More Tea, Less Wine! This is a heart breaker but I can no longer justify my actions with 'but the doctors say one glass a day is good for the heart!' Yes, Charlotte, one glass not one bottle. And my other favorite excuse 'but I have trouble sleeping..' Well, drink some chamomile tea and hit the hay. Maybe this way I won't wake up with tumbleweeds in my throat and smeared mascara on my pillow. Wine is for weekends. Simple as that.

6. Get up & D a N C e! I miss dancing! & I don't mean taking a little spin on the dance floor, I wanna leave my heels at the table and boogie until my cheeks are red & the natural curl in my hair shows up! I hardly did it this year and am totally bummed about it. Not dancing is just not a way to continue living. I need to channel my inner Selena & blast some bitty bitty bom bom!

7. Be nicer to peoples doggies! I'm that person who shrinks up every time someone says,"Whoever doesn't like dogs can't be a nice person." But I am! promise!! I just grew up with a woman version of the dog whisperer for a mother. (Seriously, I'm convinced she speaks their language! Our dogs can practically flush the toilet for crying out loud.) So when I come around your wild, but precious, Foo-Foo or Fifi who wants to jump, lick, bite, scratch, beg, take my place on the couch, bark incessantly, stink, eat my food, poop on my sweater or pant in my face... Well, you can't hate me for not wanting to roll in the grass/make out with them.

I really do love dogs -- I'm just picky. Kinda like I am with men.  And I totally believe they all go to heaven, so there.  If it's any sort of consolation, I adore the crap out of kitties. Meow.

8. Stop eating like a boy! Just because my boyfriend throws it down doesn't mean I have be a copycat. Honestly. I am around boys a lot which means being surrounded by some form of fried cheese & beer constantly. This is not the road jenny recommends to looking awesome in a half top. My favorite thing on earth is veggies and i need to be reintroduced to my long lost BFF.

If you are reading this and are in the same terrible predicament as myself, here is a really rad book suggestion : Your Big Fat Boyfriend (yes, that is really the title) by Jenna Bergen. She will help you remain a 'guy's girl' and still be able to fit into your skinny jeans. It's important to know these tricks because none of your boyfriend's friends or myself are going to think you're too awesome when you turn up your nose to beer & chicken wings (glorious creations!) and demand a side salad while watching the playoffs. Seriously.

9. Get my buns moving! It's not just what you eat anymore. I am no longer 16 and can do one or the other, exercise is key! And not just for the losing weight part (which is awesome) but the best perk of running until you think you're going to pass out is the S T r e s S release! We all hate the world & the people in it a little less after an amazing sweat bath. It's true! Try hopping on the treadmill next time you're good and pissed off and see if you want to kill someone as much as you did before you were done. You may not be singing about butterflies and sunshine but you'll surely release your death grip on the kitchen knife.

10. Put a little more faith in myself & even more in the Big Guy upstairs. Because he seems to be the only one who knows what the heck is really going on.